It all started at a meeting of the National Union of Teachers. The quadratic equation was held aloft to the nation as an example of the cruel torture inflicted by mathematicians on poor unsuspecting school children. Intrigued by this accusation, the quadratic equation accepted a starring role on prime time radio where it was questioned by a formidable interviewer more used to taking on the Prime Minister. The (London) Times took space in its leader column, more usually reserved for weighty discussions on the moral (or otherwise) health of the modern world, to proclaim that the quadratic equation was useless, maths was useless and that no one wanted to study maths anyway, so why bother. Concerned lest dangerous admissions by the quadratic equation remain unchallenged, the vital importance of the equation to the survival of the UK was debated (a positive view was taken, you may be glad to know) in the British House of Commons.

Where would it all end? Was the quadratic equation really dead? Did anyone care? Are mathematicians really evil monsters who only want to inflict quadratic equations on a younger generation as a means of corrupting their immortal souls?

Maybe so, but it's not really the quadratic equation's fault. In fact, the quadratic equation has played a pivotal part in not only the whole of human civilisation as we know it, but in the possible detection of other alien civilisations and even such vital modern activities as watching satellite television. What else, apart from the nature of divine revelation, could be considered to have had such an impact on life as we know it? Indeed, in a very real sense, quadratic equations can save your life.